therapy

Therapy, thats where I should be. But due to economic BS and the fact that if I started therapy I could easily be there for the remainder of my days, here I sit at my computer. I have no idea where to start or why I even feel the need to write all this down...I guess I'm hoping to maybe find out why me, who the hell, what the hell, and when did things turn upside down for me. How did I feel so secure in my childhood and now look back and realize I must have had a gaurdian angel looking over me. Why do I now feel like the path I took was because I was practically brain washed into believing my life was as good as it could ever be and that i should be thankful for a mom who treated all three of her children different...and not the good kind. Maybe if I relive my crazed childhood I will figure out how NOT to become that person with my children..I think that may be my biggest fear, will my children look back at their childhood in 20 years and think WTF mom??!